i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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