No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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