Your tits are I can't wait for
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
