Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
