so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
