How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
