No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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