just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize