Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
