we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
