then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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