Betty ford says i'm here all night
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
