i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
