theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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