He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
