if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
