Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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