Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
