If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
