i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
