he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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