I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
