i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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