Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
