It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
