so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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