And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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