i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
