I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
