Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
