fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
