Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
