He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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