I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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