i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
