Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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