My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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