you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just gift wrapped bread.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
