Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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