I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
