He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
