he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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