Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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