half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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