big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
