people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Randomize
