He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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