Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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