Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
