did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
